Our waitress was named Pickles.

A narrative, written line by line by the group who went to Mellow Mushroom tonight:

It was a dark and stormy night in Tuscaloosa when the headless horseman rode into town. However, his lack of head impeded his ability to stay on the road. As he fell off the roof he shrieked, "I should have worn my L.A. Light-ups today! Too bad the batteries ran out, so I had to resort to wear my Crocs."
"Even though Crocs are waterproof, why do they make furry ones?" Sandra asked the one-eyed salesman, her pet mongoose loyally at her side. With a blink of his singular eye he turned into a yelping seahorse suddenly flapping on the beach, dehydrated and hanging on for dear life. Paris Hilton washed up upon shore with her dumb dog, with regurgetated whale mucus in every orface of her body. She showered for days on end, eventually being very pruny.
Prunes were a dirty Santa gift I received once. How disappointing for a 7-year-old. I immediately drowned my neighbor's guinea pig in figgy pudding and converted to Judaism.

Thank you, thank you.

Loyally,
Anna, Sarah, Kate, and Yates

(and Barrett, Hill, and Cal)

Ooooopps.....

Again, I will set the scene for you- I receive a call from a friend of Mrs. Carlisle's asking what time they should be at the airport to pick up Maury. I look all over the computer, and make a few calls- no one knew that Maury was supposed to fly out. I then get word that someone has seen Maury walking down Lodge Hill that morning so I send out word for Maury to come find me and assume that the person calling was confused....no way Maury is flying to Bham today and hasn't already left for the airport...

Hours later, Maury happily skips up to the front desk where I am working because he got my message. The following conversation occurs:

"Hey, a friend of your mom called today and wanted to know what time to pick you up at the Bham airport. You should probably call her back and tell her that she is confused." -Me
"Hahahahaha (extremely long pause, contemplative look on face).....wait what is today? (still laughing)"- Maury
"June 5, 2008" -Me
"Hahaha....oh crap. I was supposed to fly to Bham today for a wedding. I forgot."-Maury
"(eruption of laughter for 10 minutes) HAHAHAHA"-Me

While the conversation was not that funny, witnessing Maury actually FORGET that he was supposed to get ON AN AIRPLANE and FLY TO BHAM for a wedding where HE IS A GROOMSMAN was hilarious. Do people really forget that kind of thing? He said that the thought has crossed his mind yesterday, but he had just assumed the wedding was in July (who does that?). He said that he got an email reminder about the flight a few days earlier but he thought when it said your flight leaves on 6/5/08 that 6 was the number for July. Torn up, Maury.

Love, love, love- Kristin

I'm renaming the blog...

Let's set the scene: I am working a long, busy shift at the JH Ranch office, answering phones, witnessing to unsaved businessmen with my sweet smile and kind service, and serving the Lord FOR FREE, when I get a text message from dear ole Riles.

The text reads, "The new picture on yalls blog is humorous." -Riley
I'm annoyed because I'm busy working, so I respond without thinking this could relevant to me "Haven't seen it." -KMac
I pause. My brain is saying "It couldn't be ANOTHER embarassing picture of me, could it? No, no way. They wouldn't do that to me. My sweet friends wouldn't post another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad picture of me on our blog." I immediately stop my work and check the blog.
New text message sent to Riley reads, "Omg. I will kill them." -KMac

THEREFORE, I am renaming the blog "Things my Friends do to humiliate me while I'm serving the Lord in Etna." I feel that someone should make a section entitled "Beautiful pictures of KMac" or perhaps "KMac is the coolest" but no, I only get ridiculed.

And unfortunately, I do not have the time to figure out how to take those horrid photos off the blog, so everyone can enjoy them for a while longer at my expense. But you girls rest assured that when I have time to figure out how to retaliate, I will. I love yall. I laughed so hard when I saw that picture. Thanks for bringing me laughter all the way at JH! I'm praying to intensely for yall! Ah I miss my girls (and boys too).

Blah blah I take bad pictures, KMac

Chuck E. Cheese's: Where a Kid Can be a Snob

Greetings from Superior, Colorado folks.

I miss you all dearly, but summer is going along quite well.  I have devoted countless hours to the pool and movie theater, been to a Death Cab concert at Red Rocks, spent a lot of time with my friends, wasted a lot of time on the streets of Boulder, and gone on night hikes. But most prominently, I have devoted about 35 hours a week to the friendly neighborhood Chuck E. Cheese's, where I have now been employed on and off for four years.

You see a lot of things as an employee at the Cheese, and with close observation can learn a lot about life and the nature of humanity at this establishment.  It really is a microcosm of American culture.  

You see, once you've been at the Cheese for as long as I have *brushes off shoulders*, you become competent at every part of "making magic," as we in the biz call it: working the cash register, making cotton candy, hosting birthday parties, closing, making pizzas, and fixing games.  

A couple of days ago, I was fixing Funky Monkey for a mother and her kid...a boy of, oh I'd say, about 4 years...

Mommy: Can you fix this game for us?  We put a token in and nothing happened.

Me: Sure thing!  I'm sorry about that ma'm. [I begin to push some buttons around and punch stuff until it works]

Kid: Mommy, why is a girl fixing the game?  Girls can't fix games.  Boys are supposed to fix things.

Then I sat the kid and his parents down and taught him many things about the capabilities of women.  

Ok I didn't.  But as I said, the Cheese is a miniature boxed-up display case of American culture--the familial relationships, the joys and the sorrows, the rampant consumerism and greed, and... the sexism.

So that's what I'm doing with my summer.  Monetarily beneficial, fun, and educational!  

Pends out.

i curse the day you were born

Contrary to what the crack taking writers of People and Us Magazine believe - the Sex and the City movie was incredible.  There were all the cinematic chick flick requirements.  Weddings, gays, Manolo Blahniks, love emails, crude yet appropriate female humor - just a cornucopia of female awesomeness really. 

HOWEVA, our theatric experience was amplified million fold by an element completely out of HBO's capable hands.  And that my friend was the Unidentified Lip Gloss Applying Boys who sat in front of us.  Make whatever insinuations about their preferences that you wish, but we're politically correct here at fogbogalert so we'll refrain. 

But we will not - CANNOT - refrain from bestowing upon you this rarest of rare dialogues exchanged between the aforementioned gentlemen. 

Fabulous #1: How many guys are in here, actually? Like for reals? 

Fabulous #2 (after making a grand gesturing of tallying the guys): I count 5. 

Fabulous #1: Honey, you can't count us I own curlers and a straightener. 

Now maybe this isn't funny to you or even mentionable.  But land o'goshen was it funny to us.  Perhaps this stems from mere incredulity.  Who knew that amidst the fratttattatty boys roaming the strip that there were these types of guys in Tuscaloosa.  As Kate just pointed out, one of them appeared to have collagen injections in his lips. And a mustache!  And less we also forget that one of them appeared to know verbatim the lyrics to "The Trolly Song" from Meet Me in St. Louis.  As Judy Garland belted out "Clang, clang, clang went the trolly" this boy joined her word for word in in the resounding "Ding, ding, ding went the bell." 

It should be noted though that mere flamboyancy does not excuse answering your phone during a critical point of relationship resolution.  

we love NY, 

yates, kates and sarah   

I am a creature of the night.

Yesterday Sarah and I found ourselves sitting at the end of a long table of ATOs and rushees. The scene: Pepito's. The mood: awkward. We had been lured to the rushee dinner with the promise of Newk's, and when the reality of Pepito's mediocre Mexican food was set before us, both of our evenings got a little bit worse. We both ordered the quesadilla from the grill (the only acceptable item on the menu) and waited for Armageddon. We weren't disappointed.

The food was nasty, and my risky choice of a mandarin Mexican soft drink didn't compliment the pungent bouquet of grease and foul chicken. Sarah shared my sentiments, which she vocalized at an unfortunate moment as the waiter was refilling her drink. She failed to notice him as she said,

"I feel that I've gotten this before here and it was much, much better than it is now..."

I gave her a look and the ice tinkling in her glass alerted her to the waiter's presence. Sarah looked at him and attempted a very disastrous recovery.

She glanced at the waiter and said, "...I mean...(longest pause ever)...yum."

It was obvious, it was awkward, and all could have been salvaged had she not enunciated the "Yum" so very much. "Yeeuhmm," was more like it. I nearly choked.

sex and the city premieres TONIGHT!

so hill and i go to watch bama play in the sec baseball tournament and there is a six year old little girl dressed in a cheerleading outfit who attaches herself to us. you can ask dan because he was there for the majority of the game and also experienced the terror of an entire nine innings spent with allie, that being the miniature cheerleader's name.  anyway, time passes and finally she asked me what my name was and i told her, and then she asked for hill's.  when i told her hill's name she was extremely confused so i attempted to explain that his name actually was hill, i.e. a mound of dirt kind of like a mini mountain.  she seemed slightly less perplexed and pretended to understand so we moved on.

flashforward (that's probably two words but i like it better as one) to a couple innings later when i ask allie if she remembers our names...

allie:  "yours is....(lots of intense thinking)....kate?"

kate:  "yes! now what about his" (pointing at hill)

allie:  (even more thinking but then i see the light bulb go off)"....MOUNTAIN!"

i laughed for five minutes.

from now on hill's new name is mountain.

spread the word.

that's all for now. sorry its been so long but i'm back in tuscaloosa so postage should hopefully increase

----kate

p.s.  everyone go see satc, there's bound to be blogging about it