If at first you don't succeed...

The five contributors have breakfast together on Thursday mornings. Or at least we used to. You see, in the realization of a dream long deferred, Kmac rallied all of us around the idea of getting up at 6:30 in the morning once a week and socializing at Panera in Midtown. I applaud her for this much, certainly; it is no small feat to wake me up even a minute earlier than I have to for class (and multiply that by four).

Things started off well enough: the first few breakfasts were huge successes. Amid the expected grumbling and dirty looks slathered liberally among us was true camraderie, and I found myself really enjoying how these brief meetings (and bacon and strong coffee) kicked my day off right.

But this joy, 'twould not last. Our buoyant spirits dwindled, and by two weeks ago only Anna and I rallied enough to make it to the rendezvous. Then, last week, something epic happened.

The alarm roused me at 6:30. I inwardly cursed, then rolled out of bed and splashed water on my face before my body could protest. I walked into the room to start pulling on clothes, and there was Kmac's form, smashed into the tiniest ball imaginable, dead asleep on the block of wood that passes for our room bed. You should also know that the dirtiness of our sheets and pillows is legendary.

A warning light inside my head lit up. This situation didn't bode well for breakfast, but I was already alert, dang it, and I was set to do what it took to awaken Sleeping Beauty. Meagan, who had been up since 6, of course, was studying in the room and started shaking her head.

Meagan: I turned all the lights on earlier and she didn't budge.
Me: Oh, she'll budge. (Begins gently shaking Kmac's shoulder)
Kmac:
Me: (whispering like a guardian angel and scratching her back) Kmac, Kmac, Kmac.
Kmac:
Meagan: (louder) Kristin. Kristin. Yates, you're going to have to be vigorous.
Me: Okay, Kmac. Rise and shine. Up and at 'em, old feller. (placing a hand on her butt, which usually wakes her up)
Kmac: Uggghnn.
Me: She's waking up! Nope, okay, no, she's still asleep. How did she sleep twisted up in that ball?
Meagan: (yelling now) KRISTIN! IT'S TIME FOR BREAKFAST!!
Me: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOO! (more and more flabbergasted, to the point where I'm making up a song and doing cheer-like dance)...
KMAC, KMAC. YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL THERE.
WE ALL WANT YOU TO COME TO PANER-
A. WAKE UP, WAKE UP, SMACKERS RISE AND SHINE!
YOU'LL BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL AT YOUR DANCE AND MINE!
(really embarrassing, but consider my deteriorated mental state at waking up early, no coffee, and now faced with prospect of it all being for naught)

Kmac turned her head ever so slightly and opened one vicious eye, which peered at me with an other-worldly gleam.

Me: Kmac? KMAC! You're alive! Hey, friend, wanna get some breakfast?
Kmac: Yah.
Me: Okay, well, you realize you have to get up and put some clothes on, right?
Kmac: Nah. (shaking head)
Me: You have three minutes.
Kmac: Okay. (rolls over and goes back to sleep)

I texted the others and cancelled at this point, realizing that we were all miserable and tired and that the brutal, early morning shock that comes with girls' breakfast is not worth the fellowship, especially when we see each other practically everyday anyway.

And then I found four hundred dollars.