Baby Talk

Me: Lucy, what does a cow say?

Lucy: THANK YOUUUUUUUU!!!

Hide your laptops

Kristin: JT, I really like that sweater...did you get it at the JoS.A Bank sale?

JT: Nope, I got it at Costco.

Kristin: Ooohhhh...I didn't know that Costco sold sweaters.

JT: Well there's a lot you don't know.

Not that funny but I hate to see this blog dead. Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Old Man River

Alabama vs. Ole Miss football game. 7:35 p.m. Bryant Denny Stadium.

Upon returning from the concession stand with oversized drink and overpriced hot dog.

Riley: "There is sour kraut in my pocket. HOW does that happen?"

JT: "Here, Riley. Happy birthday. Love, Denny Dog."

Go Bama. Beat the black bears.

Reader Discretion Advised

This is a post about potty-training and bodily functions. You've been warned.

So Yatesy the Lesser is not interested in going in the toilet. What she is interested in is being naked. So she was naked the other day when Mollye noticed that Yates had placed her hand (with thumb extended) on her behind, as if she was holding something in.

Mollye: Yates, do you have to poop?

Yatesy (shaking her head vigorously): No, tee-tee.

Mollye: I'm not sure that's what's going on here.

At this point Mollye took action. She lifted up Yates and placed her on the toilet. Yates, with sheer panic in her eyes as the event took place, looked up at Mollye and screamed:

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!"

You're leaving infancy forever, Yates. Fare thee well.

This post was gross. I'm grossed out. Sorry.

out of the mouths of babes

I was doing some anecdotal assessments (that's biz talk) the other day and while I was talking to two of my precious little ESL second graders the following interaction occurred.

They were getting familiar with the counting blocks that they use during math. Essentially there these cubes you can stick together that help you learn to add and divide. One little boy had managed to come into a mighty inheritance of counting blocks - which he promptly created a four desk long cross with. He then calls me over to admire his handiwork:

Little boy: I made the place that God died.

Another little boy (head immediately shoots up with fat crocodile tears welling in his eyes):

GOD ISN'T DEAD!

Amen and Hallelujah!

He doesn't even know about this blog.

July 11 in Gulf Shores.

Jimmy Buffett and Friends Concert on the Beach.

World Cup Final on the TV.

One man tries to have it all....and fails immediately.

Basically, Steve made it very clear to those of us riding with him to find a parking spot for the concert (me and four friends of friends) that if ANYONE mentioned ANYTHING about what was going on with the World Cup, he was going to flip out. Yeah, yeah, whatever Steve, we don't care.

Anyway, right when we pull up to a house and get out, he reminds us to help him shield himself from any news of Spain v. the Netherlands (he's a huge Dutch fan). Unfortunately, Steve overheard a guy in our group tell the guy whose house we were parking at that it was going to be a tie. They just didn't get the message, apparently.

So now Steve is mad that he heard that it was likely to go into a shoot-out. Keep in mind, this guy has already stepped in gum and had his McDonald's order messed up. As we walk down through the houses by the concert venue he's still complaining. But then, suddenly, there is one quiet moment and an unmistakeable scream of sports hysteria echoes from an anonymous house to the great outdoors, and to us:

"SPAIN WINS!"

It seems you can't always get what you want.

Run, Lola, Run.

JT, my sister and I were gathered around the den eating homemade peach ice cream at my aunt's house tonight. My aunt, Michelle, found an article in a runner's magazine about a new half marathon in Disney World in October. The interesting part about this half marathon is that it begins at 10 p.m. and once you complete the run, you and your friends are invited to a special Disney after party with free beer and wine.

Kallie decides she wants to run this half marathon, so it's decided that we'll all do this next year as a celebration of her 21st birthday. We begin to make various plans and talk about the many "what ifs" involved in this adventure. We discuss training programs and other 5K or 10K events in the Birmingham area we could do to train for this. Then we start talking about our favorite rides in Disney World and where we would stay. Some of the things we are saying actually have the potential to come true, but most of it is complete nonsense. 

At some point, Kallie says "Whoa, we gotta stop. We're being too unrealistic here"

And JT responds, "No offense, but we asked Kristin to run a half marathon, so it was pretty unrealistic from the beginning."

Sweet, guys. Thanks a lot. -KMac

In case you thought i was being a baby

when I complained about Yates having it out for me, you'll now surely change your mind.

Via My Facebook Page:

Sarah Yates don't leave me in a week and move to colorado!! I promise to never betray you again!

Sarah Yates

whoops i actually just betrayed you again on kmac's wall. it's a hard habit to break.

Via KMac's Facebook Page:

Sarah Yates inspired by the derby, i'm now working on an imagination project matching the party of five with appropriate horses to fit their look/personality. spoiler alert: i'm getting a dappled grey mare and anna's getting a brown mule.

Anna Pendleton

what the (#*@&#()$ YATES

The proof is in the pudding, people.

Lemon out.

A rhyme

KMac: "I got soul, but I'm not a soldier."

Yates: "I got toes, but I'm not a toaster."

Nice. Happy bachelorette weekend, Sayo!

Not funny unless you're me.

I keep thinking about how funny this was. Last Friday the Law School put on an all-day Crawfish Boil at a 3L's house. One of the events was the infamous "Mullet Toss," where one holds a dead, limp fish in one hand and chucks it as far he or she is able. Due to the somewhat disgusting nature of this challenge, many abstained. Riley Key was one of these folks; I was not (big surprise).

Anyway, shortly after I accidentally hit a poor girl in the leg with my wildly thrown fish, the boys' competition started. There were good throws, bad throws, people gettin' hit, cars gettin' hit, etc. At which point Riley looked around and loudly stated:

"Am I going to have to throw a fish here?"

No, not that funny on its face. But it sort of is. Especially when you consider the atmosphere of the event, the glory of competition, and the weirdly determined look on the Keymaster's face.

Spoiler alert: he didn't throw the fish.

I never thought I'd see the day

"I'd barf and then run out with my hands flailing in the air." -Anna

Sometimes, little Anna Pendy uses her English degree to paint the most vivid images. How sweet. I can only hope I get to see this happen one day.

Sweet Dreams, KMac

Wish list

1. Animals like koala bears or hippopotamuses were appropriate pets

2. Instead of water fountains, there were Coca Cola fountains

3. The weather would always be 60 degrees so that I was never cold but always wearing long sleeves

4. Traffic didn't exist

5. We were all going to live in the same city forever so that we'd have an endless amount of joy, love and most importantly laughter to share on this blog.

Just trying to keep the spirit alive.

maybe i should just let this die

"is it so much to ask that i find someone to date

who doesn't totally annoy me?"

- sarah yates

this is a mass text: does anyone know where i am?

we were on our way back from the beach when the following exchange occurred. it was such an exchange that can only happen when one has been on the road for several hours, survived a rainstorm and is full of homemade barbeque:

me: can men get tattoos on their penis?

kristin (as nonchalantly and assuredly as could be): oh yeah.

i apologize to any parents and/or sensitive persons who read this blog. but not enough to have warned you before cause i just thought it was that funny.

sailor moon

with extraordinary swag

So I'm sitting in my Music & Activism class and we're about to have our discussion about contemporary Christian music movements.  Each discussion is lead by two students.  Now on this particular day the girl leading the discussion feels she should make this disclaimer: 

Margaret: I feel bad leading this discussion because I don't know much Christian music. Besides you know "hail Mary full of grace/smack the bitch in the face" by Notorious B.I.G.

word to your mother, 

sy

Sticky Red Bag-Lady Shoes

Here is something funny in and of itself...Graham Heard (the self proclaimed baller) gave Yates some dating advice. I mean, when was the last time anyone saw or talked to G Heard, much less got advice from him? Answer: Sarah Yates.

"What I wanna know, Yates, is who you're dating?" -G Heard

"The Cheese stands alone, my friend." -Yates

"Word of advice: If you ever want to get a boyfriend, the first step is to stop referring to yourself as "The Cheese." -G Heard

"Duly noted." -Yates

NEVER break up a girl fight. NEVER.

I agree with Youngblood, I think this should be revamped, and to bring it back old school I'll put in a bit of fun from the one and only Smack-a-lack. (By the way, it's my goal to keep morphing people's nicknames until no one ever can decipher who is who anymore and we all disappear into oblivion.)

Anyway,

So we all know that Kristin is feeling the pressure because Relay for Life is coming up. Last night she almost cracked, screaming in a staccato fashion:

Kristin: "Relay is ten days away. What can I do? I'll check the ten day forecast! Aha, here we go... (looking at me with somber eyes) ...because there will be tears if it cries."

Yes, yes, we all hope that Relay doesn't cry this year, either. Also, virtual blog flinch for writing "Go Rebels" a few posts/months ago on here. There's no escape.

Here's to believing our friends are like the ones on How I Met Your Mother!

ttfn
Yates

don't call it a comeback

I absolutely had to break the stony silence that is this blog in order to bring you these two gemstones.  Granted my reaction to them was heavily fueled by St. Patrick's Day sprinkle encrusted shamrock cookies. Like at least five of them. But like still.

After a drug dealer rolled up into Snow Hinton and effectively ruined what was sure to be an epic bout of playground games, a group o' peeps headed to the Katie's spacious Riverside abode. Once we got there we were greeted by Momma Kallam's brownies and the game Guesstures. Guesstures, for the game n00b, is a fast paced version of charades.  You align cards in order of simplest to hardest and then attempt to act them out successfully for your team.  The caveat is that the contraption you place the cards in is set to a timer causing the cards to drop (effectively nullifying them if your team not guessed them), at incremental periods. 

This was also the first night that Charles Edwards hung out with us, and while he is a newcomer I think we can all agree that we welcome with open arms anyone who has a starring role in the following scenario: 

Barrett (acting out a card, gets under the table)

Charles: HIROSHIMA!

I know right? Hilarious. 

However, this was to be merely the appetizer for the filet. It occured after Guesstures was abandoned in favor of a round of sudden death Taboo.  Taboo, again for the n00bs, is like CatchPhrase but with the exemption of specific words (i.e. the word "mustard" must be described without using "condiment" or "ketchup").  Team 1, consisting of Shane, Katie B, Dan and myself was in dire need for some points.  If you know how competitive Dan and I get in the pursuit of friendly game victory, you'll know that losing is not handled well.  And at this point we were. So this happened:

Katie B. (on her turn): Ok it's like something that has...

Shane: Seals!  Whales! Beavers!

Katie B.: No it's like a thing that...

Shane: Otters! Manatees!

Dan: WILL YOU STOP GUESSING SEA CRITTERS OVER THERE?!

sy

Let's just say we're not getting married tomorrow.

2:15 a.m.

Yates: Kmac, what you need to do is write a blog post.

Kmac: I can't. I can only write if I'm expired.

Or inspired.

2:45 a.m.

Kmac: I just thought of a rhyme about Cal and I posted it on his wall. Now I'm a little embarrassed.

Yates: What is it?

Kmac: "Cal is right, Cal is left, Cal is the best."

Yates: That's not a rhyme.

Kmac: Maybe it should've had another line?

Yates: Or maybe rhymed.

Kmac: Oh, it rhymed.

ben and i had the best weekend of our lives.

I'm sure you've heard it already.  The moaning and groaning that inevitably escapes from mine and Ben's mouths about the absurdity that was this weekend.  We may frown, furrow our brows, scowl, or throw our hands up in the air in a gesture that can only mean that the Greek system (and therefore, the earth) IS DOOMED.  

I don't know who reads this thing, so I'm going to have to omit some of the absolutely priceless gems from the weekend.  

But...just know, that as we were sitting in the back of some discussion making snide comments under our breaths, and as Ben Kallam was crying for help by attempting to slice his wrists with a handout about policies and procedures, he leaned over and whispered this confession to yours truly...

"Literally, the highlight of my day was taking a dump."

And there you have it.