Who knew...

...that Yoohoo was made from mixing chocolate milk and coke? Answer: Yates. She was told by "someone" at a young age that Yoohoo was contrived by pouring a can of coke into a glass of chocolate milk. She announced to Robert at IHOP that he should mix his soft drink and chocolate milk and have some Yoohoo, and everyone at the table was stunned and confused. 

Who died? Probably Kate because she asked why IHOP used globes as decoration...international house of pancakes. Got it. Go Rebels.

Fry Wars

Hanging out at the ATO house on a freezing cold Saturday night after an Alabama victory is always entertaining. But this particular Saturday, there were a lot of RMTs (rich moments in time). 

As Charlie tightly gripped by wrists, stopping me from retrieving the Arches' french fries I so desperately desired, Dan began inhaling them right in front of my face. Cole then called Dan a "frinhaler" (meaning french fry inhaler). I'd also like to add that this is not the first time Cole has called Dan a name involving french fries. At Mugshots a few weeks ago, Cole held a french fry up to Dan's forehead and called him "fryclops."

Later on, while Charlie was still holding my wrists, my phone rang and Cole answered. After forcing me to talk on the phone with no hands, simply holding the phone in between my collar bone and chin, he then put the phone down the back of my shirt. In a quick, defensive move, I leaned forward to keep the phone from falling out of my shirt. Cole then called me the "Hunchback of Notre Phone," which makes absolutely no sense. 

Also, while watching Star Wars, everyone wondered how General Grieves (a robot, mind you) could cough. Charlie quickly asserted the answer: He had a virus. Good answer, Charles. Very corny.

Everyone should join Twitter...

Somebody bring me my jorts.

This priceless text conversation between Anna and me took place a few minutes after the Sorority Row blackout Thursday night. And no, that's not the name of a cool party. Apparently someone ran into an electrical pole near Jack's fine dining and subsequently knocked out all of the power in a two-mile radius.

Kmac was walking from her car to AXO when the lights went out, convinced that a serial murderer had engineered this plot to more easily take her out. Meagan and I were in the room, and when everything went black she hurriedly squeezed every last drop of battery out of her laptop to finish Physics, while I lamented more the spoiling of my cranberry juice down in the fridge than my project for Mass Com that was now lost forever.

Anyway, while chaos ensued, my text convo with Anna about Twilight tickets took a morbid turn.

Anna: Good. Is it a Thursday? DANG IT power.

Me: All ours just shut off too!!! Yeah its thursday the 20th at 12:01

Anna: Ok well I suppose I will get it tomorrow, it kicked me off the internet

Me: Yeah apparently someone hit a pole by Jacks and everyone in a five mile radius is in the dark

Anna: What a jerk

(At this point, the evil side of me took over...)

Me: I think he died

Anna: I am a terrible person. That is sad

Me: Just kidding. I don't know if he did or not. Now I'm a terrible person

Anna: Yes, you are

Me: This is definitely going on the blog

So, as you can see, I often make very inappropriate, flippant jokes about death. But Anna started it with her immediate finger-pointing of this "jerk" who ruined our evening.

Adieu.

swagger like us

So this weekend I was going to go to Gunnersville with the perpetually sassy Jilli Sparks.  However, in a sequence of events not altogether unsurprising Jilli ended up having heaps of work to get done before next week.  So I amiably suggested she stay in town and get her work done and I'd head to Chattanooga.  I hatched a plan to shock my family by arriving on the doorstep ready to spend the weekend with them.  I called my brother to fill him in on my wonderful little intention: 

Me (on cell phone passing Mercedes): Hey Riley!

Riley: What's up.

Me (whispering): Are you by yourself?

Riley: Um yeah?

Me: Like where are you?

Riley: In the den.

Me: Are you in earshot of anyone?

Riley: No.

Me (triumphantly): I'M ON MY WAY HOME TO SURPRISE YOU!

Riley: Mom, Dad and I are heading to Ole Miss in thirty minutes for me to do a college visit.

So that was neat and treasured.  Chris was spending the weekend with his family in Decatur so since I was about 14 miles outside of Birmingham and had been rejected by friends and family alike I called him and he, in true stalwart boyfriend fashion, invited me to Decatur. I informed him that at that point I was exiting onto I-65 and would probably be there in an hour. 

So I began the requisite task of text messaging those nearest and dearest.  Now, I have recently broken a vow of October sketchiness.  I apologize to those affected by my bought of intravertism.  I think I'm over it.  I blame it on too many years of single sex education. But I was textin my boo KMac when she bestowed this wonderful imagery upon me: 

Me: (snarky comment hypothetically envisioning her hooking up with someone)

KMac: Vomit. And poke my eye out. 

Not both eyes, just the one. Oh sweet little half-blind KMac!

glad to be back!

sy 

Life is too short for serious

The following conversation occurred after expressing bitterness about being mocked and basically judged for choosing not to drink.

Catherine Shelton (the paraphrased version): I have this new theory on going to bars with a fake i.d. You know when middle schoolers try to sneak into a high school party...yeah same thing. It's NOT COOL.

Me (laughing hysterically): Yeah middle school called, they want their trick back!

Moral of the story: We believe that people should not be defined by their preference of alcohol. I'm not Kristin McDonald, the 21 year old female non-drinker. I'm sweet little KMac. Who cares if I don't drink, I dance like I'm drunk.

Get it, get it, get it, Girl. 

Purified by Reverse Osmosis

I consider Maurizio my friend. When I graduate, he'll have taught me half of my required Italian minor classes, and by then I'll for sure have figured out which character from A Bug's Life he is kin to.

Normally, Italian class is excruciatingly painful. I just sit there and read my water bottle label, and usually spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom playing Brickbreaker on my phone. When I'm in class I pass the time observing the two people who sit next to me--we'll call them Phillipa and Stefano.

I've been trying to figure out for half the semester if Phillipa and Stefano are dating. Part of me thinks yes, this would be logical considering the way they act, but I truly believe in my heart that they are one of those couples that is not technically dating, but meet only during their many classes together and flirt shamelessly. The reason I think they are not together is that she sycophantly smiles and bats her eyes at everything he says (still trying to impress him), and they never touch. Also, their conversation revolves around what they do with their own respective friend groups. It's an interesting study in humanity.

Anyway, today two rich moments took place. Sometimes Maurizio will start spouting off Italian phrases molte veloce and we have absolutely no idea what he's trying to say. We strain our ears to catch a familiar word here and there, but most of the time this is fruitless. But today I could tell Stefano was into it, perhaps because I overheard Maurizio tell him to be more outspoken in class.

Maurizio: "bliemcci shsnienla abbotti que cheils lsija; eli; ei;lia;l "pesca" keinifno ello hihwwko.... (you get the idea)

Stefano: PESCA!! peach! peach!

Maurizio: No, come "pescare"

Stefano: TO FISH! TO FISH! (by now everyone is looking at him strangely)

Maurizio: Something about fish...

Stefano: (crazed look in his eye) FISH! FISH! FISHY! FISH-FOOD! No, wait, FISH-MONGER!!!!

Class: (stunned silence)

Phillipa: Fish-monger? You're an idiot.

I was so happy for Phillipa at that point. Way to be yourself and call him out, girlfriend!

Later on Maurizio did his thing where he starts asking us questions in Italian and we try to come up with some kind of answer. He asked this girl on the front row to repeat what he said as an acceptable answer, and she hopelessly announced, "I have no idea what that means or what is going on." He laughed and made her repeat the answer again. "Right," said she, "but I still don't understand a word." Then the little man laughed and said,

Maurizio: That is the beauty of foreign language. You can say things and you don't even understand what you're saying.

I think he might be missing the point.

superstar, where you from how's it goin?

I know this is my third consecutive post but trust me YOU WANNA READ THIS.

Per usual, a group of gathered at the intersection of Convent and 13th (aka Hill, Graham and Robert's crib) to watch a slew of shows.  It was after enduring the painful portrayal of Claire Bennett by Hayden Panettiere on Heroes and laughing at the the Star Wars motifs on Big Bang Theory that it came time to watch How I Met Your Mother. 

We were all enraptured by Stella and Ted's marriage plans. I mean is she the one? I don't know because this is only the second episode I've ever seen. I hope she isn't because Sarah Chalke bothers me ever since the masterminds behind Scrubs decided to give Elliot a makeover mid- season. She was so much more endearing all awkward and without excess hair fringe.  They should probably fire all the other females on the show except for Allyson Hannigan because she was Willow on Buffy. And Buffy rulz. 

But anyway, the crux of the dilemma from last night's show was that Ted insisted on his ex Robin being present at the ceremony. Stella, his fiancee, was adamant however that having exes present at your wedding is painstakingly uncomfortable and should be avoided at all costs. 

And from this came the following remark: 

Hill Sewell: Aw man, that means I can't invite any of my friends to my wedding!

...And then...

Graham Gillespie: Don't worry Hill I'll come to your wedding. 

Hill Sewell: Not after last weekend you won't. 

Oh Hilly. You and your wild oats. 

hooray college!

sy

 

you can have whatever you like

Continuing my layover at procrastination station, I have decided to blog. This makes me a repeat offender for the week.  But dat's ok.

This week has been quite busy in the life of the Art and Sciences Ambassadors. Don't let Yates and her viral video campaign fool you.  Sure Capstone may bear the responsibility of giving tours to prospective students of promise, have to memorize unfathomable amounts of campus history, endure intense heat in poly-blended pantsuits and sacrifice innumerable hours of vacation and study time.

But we all know the Arts and Sciences Ambassadors are the ones who carry the real weight of the University's success. There's Arty Party. And we also have to pomp something for homecoming. And sell t-shirts. And there are meetings which Kristin and I may or may not arbitrarily attend. I also may occasionally COMPLETELY forget to be a member of this organization until I check my phone and think "why do I have two missed calls from Graham Gillespie OHCRAPWEHADAMEETINGTONIGHT." 

Clearly, the A&S Ambassadors need to be the ones telling you what Crimson is. 

And if the above criteria aren't enough to assure you of this than the following dialogue certainly will.  This past Tuesday night Kristin and I attended a dinner given in honor of a performance group in town to put on their show "Unless the Mind Catch Fire...".  Kristin and I opted to sit at the Wissinger table because it was the furthest removed from the door and we figured maybe nobody else would sit with us and we could eat all the fruit cups.  

This was not to be.  For not long after in flounced the titular Miss Donna Wissinger.  She was a flutist in the production.  Later on Dean Olin joined us.  DWiss was quite the free soul and after hearing about Kristin and I's studies and tentative career paths she somewhat dreamily remarked to Dean Olin that she wanted to date both of us.  Dean Olin has a doctorate in Math and most likely thought that Kristin and I's dreams of non-profit glory were not quite as romantic.

I severely digress. It was somewhere amongst all of this small talk that Kristin and DWiss had the following exchange. 

DWiss: Well I did a tour of Russia when it was still the USSR. And we went all over but at one point I was in Uzbekistan and I just was so not acclimated to it you know? 

Kristin: (politely nodding)

DWiss: And I was just so scared and closed off and I just kept thinking to myself I cannot get this. But then one day I just stepped back and thought to myself, I thought, you know what? The same culture that is in this place is being birthed in my very own cells. And I just got it all immediately.  You know I just felt a part of that place because it was within me and throughout me.

Kristin: Aw.

Now you tell me that A&S Ambassadors aren't the breadwinners of this institution. 

suzie halliday 4eva!

sy

 

I paid to climb a mountain: the trip of Apples to Apples

Fall Break 2008 was full of inspirational quotes, as per usual. Here are the ones I can remember and thought were notable enough to make the infamous blog.

"How does that spin your tired ferris wheel"- Cole Murphy

"Um, Cal you are cheesing big time."- Dan Almond

"Old Milge Bilge, the old book bear." -Dan Almond

"How does that float your tick."- Cole Murphy

There was also an incident with mispronouncing the word "graham crackers" that I didn't feel was appropriate for the G-rated blog.

I also have a Rosie story for everyone. Apparently, Rosie is on her last leg. Cole's mom was supposed to take Rosie to the vet this week, and no one was sure if she would survive. Cole called his mom to check in on how the visit to the vet went, and Cole's mom said the following:

"I had a close friend pass away this week, and I couldn't handle anything else. I didn't take Rosie to the vet. But she has been really chipper recently. She really rallied this week." -Mrs. Murphy

Way to go Rosie, you've lived to smell foul for another day.

And here is an on the road story about Fog bogs.

"They must know that Dan Almond is in the car. They can sense his presence."- Cole

Dan is clearly confused by this statement. He has just woken up from a captivating nippity nap.

"There was just a sign for a Fog advisory. They know you are here so they are giving out the Fog alert." -Cole

hop out the car and let casper drive

First of all, I was the one who Freudian slipped the graham cracker comment.  Mayhaps if you cross my palm with silver I shall recount you with it. Or get me Publix brand Halloween cookies. Because I consumed TEN of them en route to the mountains. 

Secondly, a quote.  We were all nestled around the table engaged in a hearty game of Apples to Apples.  Now, after what can only be described as an abysmal round of Battle of the Sexes, a fairly competitive bout of SceneIt (at least the second round was), a failed Boulderdash game and two go-rounds of Monopoly, it is somewhat needless to point out that the competitive fervor was at a fever pitch. 

This was not to Daniel Almond's advantage. Or was it? 

After several rounds of selectively matching nouns to adjectives Dan was not fairing too well.  Those around him had all amassed a small collection of coveted green cards.  Dan however, had one. 

It is under these conditions that the following conversation occurred: 

Kristin: OK, the adjective is Dramatic. 

Group: (lays down the card they feel incapsulates the adjective) 

Kristin: (after perusing all the candidates, which I cannot remember): I'm gonna go with Beauty and the Beast because it's pretty dramatic. 

Group (grumbles incessantly and begins to make a case for why this is obviously the most poorly chosen noun/adjective relationship in the history of Apples to Apples; I feel that it was Cole who spearheaded the objections)

Dan (in a barbaric yawp, while standing from his chair): BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IS A TIMELESS CLASSIC! NOW GIVE ME THAT CARD. 

Now go YouTube Ghost Riding.

If at first you don't succeed...

The five contributors have breakfast together on Thursday mornings. Or at least we used to. You see, in the realization of a dream long deferred, Kmac rallied all of us around the idea of getting up at 6:30 in the morning once a week and socializing at Panera in Midtown. I applaud her for this much, certainly; it is no small feat to wake me up even a minute earlier than I have to for class (and multiply that by four).

Things started off well enough: the first few breakfasts were huge successes. Amid the expected grumbling and dirty looks slathered liberally among us was true camraderie, and I found myself really enjoying how these brief meetings (and bacon and strong coffee) kicked my day off right.

But this joy, 'twould not last. Our buoyant spirits dwindled, and by two weeks ago only Anna and I rallied enough to make it to the rendezvous. Then, last week, something epic happened.

The alarm roused me at 6:30. I inwardly cursed, then rolled out of bed and splashed water on my face before my body could protest. I walked into the room to start pulling on clothes, and there was Kmac's form, smashed into the tiniest ball imaginable, dead asleep on the block of wood that passes for our room bed. You should also know that the dirtiness of our sheets and pillows is legendary.

A warning light inside my head lit up. This situation didn't bode well for breakfast, but I was already alert, dang it, and I was set to do what it took to awaken Sleeping Beauty. Meagan, who had been up since 6, of course, was studying in the room and started shaking her head.

Meagan: I turned all the lights on earlier and she didn't budge.
Me: Oh, she'll budge. (Begins gently shaking Kmac's shoulder)
Kmac:
Me: (whispering like a guardian angel and scratching her back) Kmac, Kmac, Kmac.
Kmac:
Meagan: (louder) Kristin. Kristin. Yates, you're going to have to be vigorous.
Me: Okay, Kmac. Rise and shine. Up and at 'em, old feller. (placing a hand on her butt, which usually wakes her up)
Kmac: Uggghnn.
Me: She's waking up! Nope, okay, no, she's still asleep. How did she sleep twisted up in that ball?
Meagan: (yelling now) KRISTIN! IT'S TIME FOR BREAKFAST!!
Me: COCK-A-DOODLE-DOOO! (more and more flabbergasted, to the point where I'm making up a song and doing cheer-like dance)...
KMAC, KMAC. YOUR FRIENDS ARE ALL THERE.
WE ALL WANT YOU TO COME TO PANER-
A. WAKE UP, WAKE UP, SMACKERS RISE AND SHINE!
YOU'LL BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL AT YOUR DANCE AND MINE!
(really embarrassing, but consider my deteriorated mental state at waking up early, no coffee, and now faced with prospect of it all being for naught)

Kmac turned her head ever so slightly and opened one vicious eye, which peered at me with an other-worldly gleam.

Me: Kmac? KMAC! You're alive! Hey, friend, wanna get some breakfast?
Kmac: Yah.
Me: Okay, well, you realize you have to get up and put some clothes on, right?
Kmac: Nah. (shaking head)
Me: You have three minutes.
Kmac: Okay. (rolls over and goes back to sleep)

I texted the others and cancelled at this point, realizing that we were all miserable and tired and that the brutal, early morning shock that comes with girls' breakfast is not worth the fellowship, especially when we see each other practically everyday anyway.

And then I found four hundred dollars.

savage where the chorus at?

Yates arrived at Kate and I's apartment last night plagued by the proverbial "I'm hungry but I don't know what I want to eat" dilemma.  A preliminary sweep of our food stash was unsatisfactory and when coupled with Surin and Bento's unwillingness to extend their open hours to Sundays (we'll attribute this to their love for Jesus because, as Kristin pointed out, it's important to love Jesus) - Yates was swimming in a sea of nutritional drought (it's a paradox).  And then Hill threw the life preserver - PIZZA. 

Later on after our Papa John's 14" cheese had been delivered we found ourselves in need of a refreshment more of the liquid variety.  That is to say, we was thirsty.  So Hill, being the valiant, true and noble gentleman that he is, volunteered to go to the BP. Actually I verbally coerced him into it - but that's another blog entry entirely.  

Hill: What do you guys want?

Me (without hesitation): Dr. Pepper.

Yates: I brought some water so I'll probably stick with that.  

Hill: No really, what do you want?

Yates: No seriously, I'm fine with water.

Hill: Yates. What. Do. You. Want.

Yates (cheekily): Beer, ha!

Hill: I have my fake ID.

Yates (with mild dejection): Oh.

Hill: What do you want? 

Yates: My water.

Hill: What do you want?

Yates: Sprite. 

Heh. Yates and her inability to stand up to peer pressure. Chin the butter already.

23 flavors!

sy

The Crown of Jewels

Place: University of Alabama Career Center

Time: 4:00 pm

Robby awkwardly and sketchily walked through the glass doors of the Career Center for a scavenger hunt (business classes are REALLY tough). He notices me behind the desk, and we begin chatting. The conversation covers many topics, none of which we have time for right now. But Robby pulled a little "play on words" in the middle of our serious conversation that made me laugh out loud. 

We are discussing our love for Jesus. Its very important to both of us that everyone loves Jesus, because if you love Jesus, then you will go to heaven. I'm talking in typical JH fashion about the difference between a believer and a disciple. The following dialogue occurs:

"Believers and disciples are all saved. We are all going to heaven. Its just that some people will have more jewels in their crown." -KMac

"That's okay. I've had enough Juls, thanks." -Robby

oh yates...

scene:  sarah's and my house for a heroes marathon

people: me, sarah, hill, robby, and yates

event: so we're all sitting there when yates's phone rings. it continues to ring and we ask yates if she's going to get it.  she doesn't know the number, and for those of you who don't know yates has an intense phobia of unknown numbers so of course she doesn't answer.  well, about five minutes later it rings again. same number. we ask, hey yates you want one of us to answer it for you?  no, she says, if it were important they would leave a message.  ten minutes later, phone rings again...you sure yates? you don't want robby or hill to answer it for you? no guys, she says, really it's okay.  another five minutes after this the phone rings again, for the FOURTH time...

(ring ring ring, yes the phone has been on loud the entire time and she can't silence it because then "they will know," we all turn to yates...)

yates:  "okay will one of ya'll answer it for me"

robby:  "here i got it yates..."

(on the phone)

robby: "wait pita pit? but yates you didn't order pita-"

yates:  "OH MY GOSH I FORGOT I ORDERED PITA PIT"

the poor poor pita pit man. but hey at his expense we get a great story for the blog.

we love you yates.

i'm not sure if i can convey how funny this actually was in words.

kate

People in Scotland eat blood. And sheep stomachs.

Anna has said and done some pretty priceless things on this trip. Unfortunately, it's hard to know when a quote or situation will translate well onto this blog. But here's one instance that I want to share with all.

For a little background, you should know that Anna, after finally tasting the bliss that is a freshly baked scone, has now become totally obsessed with them. She wants scones all the time, 24/7, talks about them unceasingly, and comments on every type and style of scone we find. Well, last weekend we journeyed to Ireland, and on a tour of the countryside stopped for tea and scones at a little shop.

These were Grade A scones, made even better by the rich clotted cream that was dollopped in plentiful amount on our plates. We praised and complemented them in every way possible; in fact, everything about the experience was perfect, except that someone had baked a few raisins into the scones, which we picked out before eating. During this process Anna raised her head, sighed soberly, looked at me like she was about to say something truly serious and/or important, and emitted this gem:

"I like my scones like I like my men. Without raisins."

The layers of this quote are manifold and very deep. I'll leave its interpretation up to you.

disco inferno

Disclaimer: A large portion of my brain has still resigned itself to metabolizing the sheer AWESOMENESS that was The Dark Knight. But what portion of brain stem function I do have cries out that I post about the events of last night. 

Last night was Kate's birthday dinner.  The theme was picky eater. It was in fact, a Picky Eater Party.  This PEP was the first surprise occasion that I have ever planned/been responsible for bringing the guest of honor to.  However, it should be noted that Hill Sewell contributed largely to my efforts.  Most notably by using our dinosaur cookie cutter to make lots of PB&J sandwiches.  And also making balloon animals. Which he apparently learned how to do solely by aid of the internet.  Thanks Al Gore! 

But the party was great. It had all the necessarily elements of partyhood.  Cake, hats, HelloKitty napkins and Kate being mercilessly pelted with goldfish in an attempt that one of those little aquarium crackers would go down her shirt.  Which they did, mostly due to the fact that someone picked up the whole bowl and chucked them at her. 

However, twas only after the party departed from 13th and Convent that things started to get quotable.  

We arrived at Cobb Theatre and were immediately immersed in the bustling activity that is a midnight premier.  If you've ever attended a midnight premier you know what I'm talking about.  There's just something about the occasion that makes it perfectly condonable for a middle aged man to don full fledged Joker face paint (this information comes to me via Riley, my brother, who attended the 12:01 premier in Chattanooga ).  Moviegoers are simply in their element at midnight premiers. 

So we arrive at 11:15 and nestle comfortably into our seats in Theatre 15.  Whilst waiting for the previews to begin Hill, Kate and I begin to discuss the movie Wanted, which we'd seen the night before.  We discuss Angelina Jolie's tattoos, James McAvoy's muscles and Morgan Freeman's use of the f-word.  But mostly, we pretend to shoot people in the theatre.  More importantly, we're mimicking the film in that we are pretending to shoot people by curving bullets. It is in the midst of this, dedicated reader, that Kate looks at me in her wide-eyed newly minted twenty-year-old innocence and the following dialogue takes place:

Sarah: (mimes shooting a curved bullet at some football player Kate recognizes) 

Hill: (follows suit and mimes the dispatch of another bullet) 

Kate (turns to me and sweetly asks): Can bullets actually do that?

Sarah (lowers her weapon): Um, can bullets curve you mean?

Kate (eagerly and somewhat enthusiastically): Yeah!

Sarah and Hill: .....................No.

We then preceded to make a way bigger deal out of this than we normally would. But that's because we were bored and still had over thirty minutes before the movie started.

Fast forward to the previews. 

Ominous music. Jennifer Connelly in some sort of leather bomber jacket and bluntly cut bangs.  People wandering through misty forests.  Jennifer Connolley's character has now been given clearance to something.  She's told not to be afraid. Keanu Reeves is hooked up to electrodes while someone ... wait...

Unidentified Movie Attendee (incredulously exclaims): Keanu Reeves?!

Entire Theatre #15: (erupts in hysterical laughter) 

Ah, midnight premier camaraderie. 

I just want some Mexican food.

The first thing I have to say is if you haven't looked at the pictures Riley tagged of me on facebook, then you are missing out on a crucial part of life. I guarantee you will laugh for at least 3 minutes at the intensity of my face and athleticism. And just for the record, I had the letters CH painted on my face that night (abbreviation for Challenge) for extra intensity and also participated in a pump up cheer session that was included on the official JH video...



Next item of business, I can't believe no one has posted those pictures on the blog to further my embarrassment. I was fully expecting to see them up within a week. I guess it helps that people are in Oxford and in Nursing School...too busy to humiliate me now.


Now for the goodness of the post. JT and I were riding around in the golf cart today. He took me to get my cell phone at the Bean (my place of residence) and we continued on to get an ice chest for offsite food. I commented that offsite foods was an easy job. JT responded it was because pimps were in charge of it and the following statement was made...

"KMac, on the Taco Bell menu, I'm the taco supreme. Everyone else is just a regular soft taco. Plain with meat and cheese."-JT
"I'll blog about that later."-KMac

I come home in a month. I will miss this place, especially the fact that Maury greets the entire staff everyday on the microphone with a "How we doing today, Saints?" That's right. I'm a saint. And if you haven't heard about the 498 Star Wars languages, I will tell you later. I thought Yates was a weird homeschooler...until I met Ricker, the Star Wars speaker.

Big hug, Kristin

i got me pimms

Cheerio ol' chaps.  

Yates and I are having the most fabulous time in Oxfordshire (for a riveting account of our mind-blowing adventures, please see Yates' blog).  However, the life of an Oxford student is not all fun and games; we have suffered many hardships to get where we are today.

Por ejemplo, just last night we were traveling to the Purple Turtle bar with some of our colleagues.  We were a little timid about the trip, as Yates and I had--just five minutes earlier--made the wise decision to stay in and focus on our academic growth. However, after finding out that 23 out of 23 other students were going out, we felt like immense losers and decided to hop on board.  

As we followed the path that leads us from Worcester College to the gorgeous streets of Oxford, it came to Yates' attention that she had a massive stick wedged in-between her foot and sandal, most likely piercing her foot with the might of a thousand knives.  As my eyes panned from Yates' foot to her face, I took notice of the immense discomfort apparent in her countenance.  What followed was a display of bravery thus far unparalleled in my experience...

Yates:  OW!  I have a huge branch in my shoe!

Me: Ok.  Take it out.

Yates (to group, like a brave, self-sacrificing soldier):  No.  No!  It's ok guys.  I'll take it out later.

Yates taught me something that day.  When you have a problem, even if it is easily remedied and completely unnecessary for you to endure because 1/3 of the group is lightyears behind you anyways and you are under no time constraints whatsoever, you do not pull the stick out of your shoe; you soldier on.  

Our waitress was named Pickles.

A narrative, written line by line by the group who went to Mellow Mushroom tonight:

It was a dark and stormy night in Tuscaloosa when the headless horseman rode into town. However, his lack of head impeded his ability to stay on the road. As he fell off the roof he shrieked, "I should have worn my L.A. Light-ups today! Too bad the batteries ran out, so I had to resort to wear my Crocs."
"Even though Crocs are waterproof, why do they make furry ones?" Sandra asked the one-eyed salesman, her pet mongoose loyally at her side. With a blink of his singular eye he turned into a yelping seahorse suddenly flapping on the beach, dehydrated and hanging on for dear life. Paris Hilton washed up upon shore with her dumb dog, with regurgetated whale mucus in every orface of her body. She showered for days on end, eventually being very pruny.
Prunes were a dirty Santa gift I received once. How disappointing for a 7-year-old. I immediately drowned my neighbor's guinea pig in figgy pudding and converted to Judaism.

Thank you, thank you.

Loyally,
Anna, Sarah, Kate, and Yates

(and Barrett, Hill, and Cal)

Ooooopps.....

Again, I will set the scene for you- I receive a call from a friend of Mrs. Carlisle's asking what time they should be at the airport to pick up Maury. I look all over the computer, and make a few calls- no one knew that Maury was supposed to fly out. I then get word that someone has seen Maury walking down Lodge Hill that morning so I send out word for Maury to come find me and assume that the person calling was confused....no way Maury is flying to Bham today and hasn't already left for the airport...

Hours later, Maury happily skips up to the front desk where I am working because he got my message. The following conversation occurs:

"Hey, a friend of your mom called today and wanted to know what time to pick you up at the Bham airport. You should probably call her back and tell her that she is confused." -Me
"Hahahahaha (extremely long pause, contemplative look on face).....wait what is today? (still laughing)"- Maury
"June 5, 2008" -Me
"Hahaha....oh crap. I was supposed to fly to Bham today for a wedding. I forgot."-Maury
"(eruption of laughter for 10 minutes) HAHAHAHA"-Me

While the conversation was not that funny, witnessing Maury actually FORGET that he was supposed to get ON AN AIRPLANE and FLY TO BHAM for a wedding where HE IS A GROOMSMAN was hilarious. Do people really forget that kind of thing? He said that the thought has crossed his mind yesterday, but he had just assumed the wedding was in July (who does that?). He said that he got an email reminder about the flight a few days earlier but he thought when it said your flight leaves on 6/5/08 that 6 was the number for July. Torn up, Maury.

Love, love, love- Kristin

I'm renaming the blog...

Let's set the scene: I am working a long, busy shift at the JH Ranch office, answering phones, witnessing to unsaved businessmen with my sweet smile and kind service, and serving the Lord FOR FREE, when I get a text message from dear ole Riles.

The text reads, "The new picture on yalls blog is humorous." -Riley
I'm annoyed because I'm busy working, so I respond without thinking this could relevant to me "Haven't seen it." -KMac
I pause. My brain is saying "It couldn't be ANOTHER embarassing picture of me, could it? No, no way. They wouldn't do that to me. My sweet friends wouldn't post another terrible, horrible, no good, very bad picture of me on our blog." I immediately stop my work and check the blog.
New text message sent to Riley reads, "Omg. I will kill them." -KMac

THEREFORE, I am renaming the blog "Things my Friends do to humiliate me while I'm serving the Lord in Etna." I feel that someone should make a section entitled "Beautiful pictures of KMac" or perhaps "KMac is the coolest" but no, I only get ridiculed.

And unfortunately, I do not have the time to figure out how to take those horrid photos off the blog, so everyone can enjoy them for a while longer at my expense. But you girls rest assured that when I have time to figure out how to retaliate, I will. I love yall. I laughed so hard when I saw that picture. Thanks for bringing me laughter all the way at JH! I'm praying to intensely for yall! Ah I miss my girls (and boys too).

Blah blah I take bad pictures, KMac

Chuck E. Cheese's: Where a Kid Can be a Snob

Greetings from Superior, Colorado folks.

I miss you all dearly, but summer is going along quite well.  I have devoted countless hours to the pool and movie theater, been to a Death Cab concert at Red Rocks, spent a lot of time with my friends, wasted a lot of time on the streets of Boulder, and gone on night hikes. But most prominently, I have devoted about 35 hours a week to the friendly neighborhood Chuck E. Cheese's, where I have now been employed on and off for four years.

You see a lot of things as an employee at the Cheese, and with close observation can learn a lot about life and the nature of humanity at this establishment.  It really is a microcosm of American culture.  

You see, once you've been at the Cheese for as long as I have *brushes off shoulders*, you become competent at every part of "making magic," as we in the biz call it: working the cash register, making cotton candy, hosting birthday parties, closing, making pizzas, and fixing games.  

A couple of days ago, I was fixing Funky Monkey for a mother and her kid...a boy of, oh I'd say, about 4 years...

Mommy: Can you fix this game for us?  We put a token in and nothing happened.

Me: Sure thing!  I'm sorry about that ma'm. [I begin to push some buttons around and punch stuff until it works]

Kid: Mommy, why is a girl fixing the game?  Girls can't fix games.  Boys are supposed to fix things.

Then I sat the kid and his parents down and taught him many things about the capabilities of women.  

Ok I didn't.  But as I said, the Cheese is a miniature boxed-up display case of American culture--the familial relationships, the joys and the sorrows, the rampant consumerism and greed, and... the sexism.

So that's what I'm doing with my summer.  Monetarily beneficial, fun, and educational!  

Pends out.

i curse the day you were born

Contrary to what the crack taking writers of People and Us Magazine believe - the Sex and the City movie was incredible.  There were all the cinematic chick flick requirements.  Weddings, gays, Manolo Blahniks, love emails, crude yet appropriate female humor - just a cornucopia of female awesomeness really. 

HOWEVA, our theatric experience was amplified million fold by an element completely out of HBO's capable hands.  And that my friend was the Unidentified Lip Gloss Applying Boys who sat in front of us.  Make whatever insinuations about their preferences that you wish, but we're politically correct here at fogbogalert so we'll refrain. 

But we will not - CANNOT - refrain from bestowing upon you this rarest of rare dialogues exchanged between the aforementioned gentlemen. 

Fabulous #1: How many guys are in here, actually? Like for reals? 

Fabulous #2 (after making a grand gesturing of tallying the guys): I count 5. 

Fabulous #1: Honey, you can't count us I own curlers and a straightener. 

Now maybe this isn't funny to you or even mentionable.  But land o'goshen was it funny to us.  Perhaps this stems from mere incredulity.  Who knew that amidst the fratttattatty boys roaming the strip that there were these types of guys in Tuscaloosa.  As Kate just pointed out, one of them appeared to have collagen injections in his lips. And a mustache!  And less we also forget that one of them appeared to know verbatim the lyrics to "The Trolly Song" from Meet Me in St. Louis.  As Judy Garland belted out "Clang, clang, clang went the trolly" this boy joined her word for word in in the resounding "Ding, ding, ding went the bell." 

It should be noted though that mere flamboyancy does not excuse answering your phone during a critical point of relationship resolution.  

we love NY, 

yates, kates and sarah   

I am a creature of the night.

Yesterday Sarah and I found ourselves sitting at the end of a long table of ATOs and rushees. The scene: Pepito's. The mood: awkward. We had been lured to the rushee dinner with the promise of Newk's, and when the reality of Pepito's mediocre Mexican food was set before us, both of our evenings got a little bit worse. We both ordered the quesadilla from the grill (the only acceptable item on the menu) and waited for Armageddon. We weren't disappointed.

The food was nasty, and my risky choice of a mandarin Mexican soft drink didn't compliment the pungent bouquet of grease and foul chicken. Sarah shared my sentiments, which she vocalized at an unfortunate moment as the waiter was refilling her drink. She failed to notice him as she said,

"I feel that I've gotten this before here and it was much, much better than it is now..."

I gave her a look and the ice tinkling in her glass alerted her to the waiter's presence. Sarah looked at him and attempted a very disastrous recovery.

She glanced at the waiter and said, "...I mean...(longest pause ever)...yum."

It was obvious, it was awkward, and all could have been salvaged had she not enunciated the "Yum" so very much. "Yeeuhmm," was more like it. I nearly choked.

sex and the city premieres TONIGHT!

so hill and i go to watch bama play in the sec baseball tournament and there is a six year old little girl dressed in a cheerleading outfit who attaches herself to us. you can ask dan because he was there for the majority of the game and also experienced the terror of an entire nine innings spent with allie, that being the miniature cheerleader's name.  anyway, time passes and finally she asked me what my name was and i told her, and then she asked for hill's.  when i told her hill's name she was extremely confused so i attempted to explain that his name actually was hill, i.e. a mound of dirt kind of like a mini mountain.  she seemed slightly less perplexed and pretended to understand so we moved on.

flashforward (that's probably two words but i like it better as one) to a couple innings later when i ask allie if she remembers our names...

allie:  "yours is....(lots of intense thinking)....kate?"

kate:  "yes! now what about his" (pointing at hill)

allie:  (even more thinking but then i see the light bulb go off)"....MOUNTAIN!"

i laughed for five minutes.

from now on hill's new name is mountain.

spread the word.

that's all for now. sorry its been so long but i'm back in tuscaloosa so postage should hopefully increase

----kate

p.s.  everyone go see satc, there's bound to be blogging about it

back seat, windows up

So ok, I've gotten wind that the masses of adoring fans - and by this I mean Graham Gillespie - who stalk our blog are getting restless.   And dearest cherubic readers, do not think it is by choice that we are negligent of you.  It's just that nobody is around anybody else to quote them. 

HOWEVER, I did think the following quote from The Office was so funny I laughed until I began to violently hiccup. Then I got afraid I was going to die like Meredith Grey's step mom. And also, I am not Lexi Grey. 

But I digress, here's the quote: 

Andy: Hey, what are we doing? What's the game? I want in.

Jim: Oh, there's no game. We're just trying to get these chips for Karen.

Andy: Did you check the vending machine? 

Karen: Oh, the vending machines! How did we miss that? 

Jim: I have no idea. We went right for the copier.

Karen: Mmhm. 

Jim: And then we checked the fax machine. 

Karen: Yeah, nothing there. 

Andy (defiantly): Did you check your...butt?

Bahahaha. 

because Jim, Andy and Karen are my friends, 

sy

I'm living in Etna, CA...where the heck is that?

Just some updates from the Ranch for those who are interested...


Maury Carlisle hit a guy in the back with a rock while he was going to the bathroom in the woods and the guy peed all over himself...Maury later hit his head on a light fixture in the dining room.


I catch JT dancing by himself to music all the time (and I mean embarrassing dancing) so I have now decided to dance like a loser too. I also convinced a girl that JT and I make out a lot (which is clearly false). The poor girl was asking too many questions so I just started messing with her because I am a bia.

Some new phrases that I have heard out here, laughed hysterically at, and think our friends should adopt...
"I'm not enjoying you at all right now."- Ginger Anne Woodruff (and oddly enough, she knows Robby. Because I don't think there is a woman on this earth that Robby doesn't know)
"I'm as lost as an Easter egg." -Bruce Johnston (owner of JH Ranch)
And in a creepy, seductive voice, "Hey Hey." -Karis (who is engaged- I just love saying this to people. I may start doing this instead of grabbing everyone's butt, but I'm not sure yet).

Also, while I was chatting on my cellular phone with Charlie the other day, he told me to turn around....
"Why don't you come visit me in Etna?" -Me
"I am. Turn around."- Charlie
"Did you turn around?"-Charlie
"Yeah and you lied. You weren't there." -Me
"Long distance flinch."-Charlie

And we went bowling in Yreka last night. Yep that's right, a town called Yreka. We rented out the bowling alley and played Christian music the whole time. I love JH. Oh, and I made a guy spew his Mountain Dew all over the table yesterday. Apparently, I am the funniest person ever.

Well that's all folks. JT, Riley, and I are loving the Ranch (even though Riley is on maintenance and he is terrible at it) and I miss you guys like CRAZY! Love you. Write letters. Address is on facebook. -KMac

Some guy in Panama City pooped his pants.

I haven't seen my peeps in a while. Until then...

"A quote!!"

ttfn.
yates.

y'all don't wanna hear me, you just wanna dance

Now, I'm not against the slight fabrication of a novel in order to make it more applicable to the big screen.  I understand that verbatim transfer from novel to screen play is impossible.  That said, I did enjoy The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Capsian. As a Disney action adventure film.  However, as an adaptation of CS Lewis's second (technically third) installment of the Narnia series it it made me want to systematically send anthrax laden hate mail to anyone remotely involved with the project.  Normally I am completely averse to spoiling the endings of things for people (except for that one time when I ruined the end of The Sopranos for CJ which was a complete and total accident as I do not watch the show and mentioned it in passing because I had seen a segment about in on "The Soup"), however in this particular gem of a quote it is unavoidable. SO read at your own risk. 

Me: I mean there was absolutely no sexual tension and/or kissing between Caspian and Susan in the book!

Vince Andrews: Yeah I was just waiting for them to do it the whole time. 

In hindsight this is probably one of the funniest things I've ever heard.  Because clearly, and I feel Vince would agree with me, he was not waiting for them to do it.   This is a movie based around the concept of four adolescent British children being relocated to a mystical land in which the hero is a lion.  At no point is anyone "doing it." It was just one of those things you say to continue conversation. Everyone does it. 

vivé Aslan!

sy

My last meal at CPK until August

Dan and I were at California Pizza Kitchen today for lunch. And while the food was fabulous, the service was terrible today. Our waiter came to our table about once every 20 minutes, and once my pizza arrived I was without a blotting napkin and a refreshing coke for about 15 minutes. Needless to say, when my napkin and coke arrived, I was thrilled and dug right on into my pizza. I get the 5 cheese and fresh tomato pizza because I know I can expect greatness with every bite...

Except this time, I got a little more than I expected from my pizza. Apparently, when I took my first bite, I bit straight into a tomato. No harm no foul, right? Wrong. The tomato juice squirted up my nose and into my eye. I don't know why this happened, just a really ripe tomato I guess, but I do know that for the remainder of my meal, there was a tomato seed up my nose. All Dan could say was, "I saw that...who died tomato juice?"

Your blogger, KMac

the gobble(s)

another two part blog. this merits no explanation. all who were there will remember...

part 1:  cole's gobble

part 2:  anna's attempted gobble

deuce deuce holla (i hope sarah and robby notice this)

kate

Life [and blogging] is so unfair.

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but I am currently at a significant blogging disadvantage, because--to my knowledge--I am the only blogger separated from every other group member for the better part of the summer.  How can I blog about my funny friends if I'm not with them? Ladies and gents, we have on our hands a problem situation.  

Luckily, I've put some time into thinking about this.

The remedy shall be two-fold:

1.  I will blog incessantly when Yates and I get to Oxford to make up for lost time, quoting her on anything and everything remotely hilarious.

2.  Until then, your text messages better get funnier.

That's all for now, help a sista out and step up on the written communication.  Until then, I bid you adieu.  

When in Birmingham...

So, yeah. Tonight the Bham gang (Kate, Hill, Charlie, Catherine, John Michael, and myself) watched some television at Hill's house because we are cool. We were switching between the Hills and the Bachelor. Suddenly, Kate looks at John Michael and says...

"Did you get a hair cut?" -Kate

Yeah, I did...(cut off)" -JM

"Stop talking!" -Kate

[eruption of laughter from the Bham gang]

A few moments later...

"Sorry, I really do think your hair cut looks good." -Kate

"Yeah I know, it looks fantastic." -JM

I included this quote for a few reasons: 1) I've never heard people laugh that hard (well at least not since Yates' Yoda yes) 2) I've never heard Kate be that mean and hilarious before (and I was proud because I'm usually the one who is a bia) 3) I've never heard anyone speak so highly of their new hair cut--I mean he was complimenting his own hair.

So that is what is happening on our end. Just pure and simple hilarity. Miss everyone already. Peace out, KMac

move your body like a cyclone.

"What if I just pulled down my pants and mooned Sarah while she was skiing?"

- John Tyler Berney 

"You'd probably make the blog." 

- Kate Sparks

*My reasons for including this particular quotation are two fold: 1.) it is really funny 2.) it is indicative of the all consuming nature of this blog.  From now on the caliber of humor in this group will be linked with the blog.  In the future if you're even thinking about saying something funny ask yourself this: would it make the blog? Is it bloggable?  Does it have the essence of blog? 

If it doesn't then you're probably not funny. YA HEARD?

sloppy kisses, 

sy

Titanic on the Lake

So here's my first post.  Cut me a little slack because I've never done this before but here goes nothing...

ring my bell

Part 1

the scene:  Kate, Sarah Young, Debell, JT on the lake 

my roommate was floating in the water preparing to slalom (which she later did and she did it marvelously!) when she drifted into a cold spot and said, and i quote...

"Ooh cold spot! Really cold spot! Like I think I see Jack from the Titanic over here"

*you may only find hilarity in this if you're a girl but seeing as i feel like more girls than boys will check this blog anyway, i decided it was blog-worthy.

Part 2

yes I have two quotes to make up for my lack of funnyness.

after dinner at wild wings on wednesday for charlie's last meal, cole and vince asked to ride home with yates and kmac and hill and i in hill's car.  this was great except there wasn't enough room.  hence yates and i piled in the front passenger seat together. we thought nothing of this. however, after dropping the boys off, i get a call from cole who says, without even as much as a hello first..

"You know how I know you're gay?" I immediately knew what was coming and almost hung up then and there but of course I did not because I'm a good friend. "Because you and Yates stayed in the front seat together after we got out of the car when there were two free spots in the back."

hilarious....not.

first post complete

love kate 

I'm so going to beat Kmac by blogging first

Okay, it's 2:30 and Kmac and I are sitting in the Alpha Chi chapter room studying. We've been studying for so long. Our silent but deadly pattern was broken a minute ago by my giggling. I'm sorry, but that bumper sticker with the mad kid and the explanation "You scuffed my Nikes" gets me every time. I've got to give Anna props: that was the perfect first blog post. Seriously. The fact that the quote had to do with our blog made it even more appropriate. So let's get down to business:

Kmac has been studying for days. Poor thing, she has had three 8:00 exams this week. So we've been doing a lot of activities in silence, as per usual this week, in our room. I walked in from my shower to put on some music, when I notice a new playlist on my iTunes called "Kmac's Musac." I click on it to reveal two songs, "Rockin' the Suburbs" by Ben Folds and "This Side" by Nickel Creek. When she came in I broke our silence code and asked my usual question when dealing with her: "What the heck is that?" Kmac replied,

"I want you to make me a playlist with cool music on it....like Ryan Adams....[really long pause].....Ben Adams.......Is there a Ben Adams?"

I couldn't believe it. She's a history major; I think she meant John Adams or Sam Adams. The most embarrassing part? No, not the "Kmac's Musac" part. She thought that LFO sang "Rockin' the Suburbs."

Sorry this post is long. I've sacrificed beating Kmac for my long-winded fancies. We've just decided it should be immediate reactions only, but it's my first, so deal with it.

After 3 days of non-stop studying, I shall blog

When asked where he wanted to eat dessert, Charlie responded, "The Great American KMac Company."

The richness of that comment has won the prize of being the topic of my very first blog post. I feel that this blog will unite our friends over the long summer months when we are scattered across the United States and Europe. Or at least keep us laughing at each other.

Note: Sarah Young has decided that she doesn't need a nickname because, in fact, her name is her "nickname." I agree wholeheartedly, even though it doesn't really make sense.

Also, everyone write me letters this summer. 

Hope you enjoyed my first blog. Love, KMac

There is a Civil War General Named Gideon Pillow

"Anna, why haven't you written in the blog yet?  I have checked it five times today hoping..."

-Hill Sewell

I didn't want to be the first one to post.  I thought it would be Yates who would set the precedence. Yates takes the initiative, especially (as we all know) when blogs are involved.

But as I am supposed to be studying (suck it HY 315), my mind is naturally displaced from my history notes and has been entrapped by the contents of my computer and all the excitement that lies therein.  

But, back to the point: Hill has checked our blog for a new post FIVE times today.  I think this is: a) indicative of the WILD popularity our blog will soon achieve amongst our group of friends   b) telling of Hill's rampant internet addiction

I hope I didn't do this wrong.  I should have let Yates go first.